Learning to Love

When I was a young man, I used to like kids and thought I understood about caring. I had taught kids swimming, had relationships and felt I was ready for the next step, so I took it. I got married to a wonderful woman with children of her own. Love to me at that time was a word I felt was greatly over-used. I rarely said it to my wife or my step-children. She would say, "I love you," and I would reply, "me too". I know this frustrated my wife many times, but I failed to see it. I did love her and came to love her children as our children. I realized I felt love for them, but was unable to correctly express it, so I tried to show it. This worked for awhile, but not always. I could not understand why they did not see how I felt by my actions, but not everyone has insight into meanings without words. Then came the day when my wife told me she was pregnant with our first child. I felt something growing inside of me. The first time I saw the little spark of life from the sonogram, something started changing in me. When I first held my daughter in my arms for the first time, something overwhelmed me. I knew for the first time in my life what complete and total love felt like. The wall I had built around my heart had been taken apart by the smile of my daughter. I truly knew love. I still had to work on expressing myself, but it became easier and easier as time moved on. I remember a specific time when I picked her up from daycare. She saw me walk into the room and the game she was playing with her friends no longer mattered. I was there and I was all that mattered. She saw me, threw down her toys, screamed out "daddy!" and ran into my arms. I almost cried right there. The love I felt at that moment in time, made me realize we should never, ever, let pride or anything else stand in the way of letting those we love know how we feel. From then on, I made sure to tell my wife I loved her. The love I experience with my baby also helped me to realize how much I had come to love my step-daughters. It came to the point where I hated referring to them as my step-daughters. I felt they were my girls and my heart opened to the feelings of love I had for them. I truly and completely loved them as my own, and they loved me back. Their love helped me to truly understand, love knows no boundaries. Love does not recognize color, race, religion or bloodlines. It is what it is, as the saying goes. Several years later, I was blessed with another daughter. To be honest, I had always wanted a son, but God, in His infinite wisdom, knew what was best for me. Looking back now, I am so thankful for what I do have. My daughters have been the blessings I never would have known if things had been different and I would not have it any other way. I have often told others, "you never truly understand and know love until your child in your arms, until they smile at you, or call you dad." My two oldest girls have at one point or another called me father or dad. Though I would never think of replacing their biological father, whom they love so much, I feel so much love for them as my own. I feel the pride and love as only a father can feel. All my girls know I love them. I make sure to tell them now and let them know. Life is way too short to not let the ones we love know it. We never know when our time may come. We make plans in our minds on what we would say at the end and how we might say it, but the truth is, we cannot plan our fate. We can only accept it and try to make sure those left behind know, no matter what, how we felt while we were here. I love my wife, my children, my siblings and parents. I have some friends who are close to me who know I love them as well. Love is the message of our Father in heaven, and His Son Jesus. Can we do any less than follow the example they set for us? The words, coupled with the actions show the truth. "Love thy neighbor as they brother". Let them know love.

The Night

I love the night. I walked into the night, feeling the cool breeze upon my cheek. Some are afraid of the night, some leery and some resigned it will come. For me, the night holds promises. Promises of noises I would not hear during the day. The sounds of the night with the insects chirping and buzzing create a symphony of noise for any ear to hear. The coolness after the heat of a long day has transpired. The people have gone away, dreaming their dreams, pursuing their thoughts of fantasy. The night brings on a feeling all its own. It can be relaxing after a long day. It can cool from the heat of work. It can bring on a feeling of passion not found during the day. As the day fades, passions seem to rise, bringing on new beginnings with old feelings. A man and a woman might exchange pleasantries during the day, but with the coming of night, may feel something more. The drug of night air brings about its change in their desires, their thoughts, their willingness to go beyond the casual, but to the intimate. The night holds changes not sought after or seen during the day. But unlike the day, can be carried over to the break of day when sanity returns from passions release. Then the pleasant thoughts of the nights repast can bring about the beginnings of a fresh and wonderful new day. I love the night. A time to let the weight of decisions, fall from sagging shoulders. Times to let the strain of worries drain from a troubled mind. A time to sit back, listening to silence, feeling your muscles relax as you shrug off the tensions of a day, of a week, ease away. Your face relaxes, no longer fighting the glare of day. You realize now you can finally lower the day face you have carried so long. The one which shows no worry, but others can count on for support when needed, caring when wanted and rapt attention when expected. Your concerns and interests are finally yours, dictated to your needs, and not those of others. You can relax and feel what you wish, and knowing this, you relax, not wanting to sleep just yet. To enjoy the feeling this freedom of expression gives you, if even for a short time, until once again, you wake and put on the facade created for the world of day you must face. I love the night.

Silence

Silence... There was a song by Simon and Garfunkle called, “The sounds of silence.” I often wonder if anybody truly understood the truth in that simple statement of song. Silence allows so many different interpretations, leading to many different appreciations of its meanings. Silence, the lack of sound in this case, can sometimes be a blessing and sometimes a hindrance. Those who have never heard would love to hear, and those who hear too much, would love to not hear any more. Silence can be both a blessing and a curse. I prefer the blessing of the sounds of silence. There is a silence from the everyday occurrences, which follow us, but is lost in nature. We hear silence with the removal of every day noise, but once we notice it, we notice it is not a true silence. I cherish the silence of stillness. The silence of being in the woods, as well as the silence of rainfall in the forest It is not true silence I know, but in that hushed stillness, the patter of rain falling upon leaves, upon the ground, an enveloping silence all its own ensues. The creaking of trees as a gentle wind moves them slightly, or Maybe the creaking of insects or frogs as the night or day progresses. Perhaps this silence is that which comes from the mountaintop, where the wind moves the trees to music of their own. The whispering pines playing a melody heard only in the background of silence, just out of clear hearing, leaving one to wonder if it is imagined, or real. There is the silence of ones mind. The clutter of humanity can invade your thoughts from making decisions of everyday life. We are bombarded with noise as we go through a day filled with decisions, cluttering the mind with the noise of our thoughts, the noise of the suggestions of others. It is times like this i cherish the silence of resting my mind with no thoughts but those of my desire. Whether i am in a crowd, or alone in a room, as long as I can let my mind wonder of its own accord, blocking out the requests for attention others may demand. I can follow the whim of a hidden trail in my imaginings as i wonder and wander these trails. Silence can be comforting and comfortable. The silence of friends sharing time together, whether fishing or riding together can be that comfort. Their presence is enough to say all of which needs to be said if anything. The silence shared between two who feel no need for words. The silence of need, desire and passion, when only a look needs to say all for that silence of a moment can be enough to speak volumes. When two eyes meet and thoughts are shared which words cannot adequately say? Silence can then speak louder than voices and more passionate than words. Silence, whether heard, or seen or imagined. It can bring healing to the mind and to the body with its comforting presence. The silence at the end of the day, as all lay asleep, leaving you alone with your thoughts. The time to recover, relax and rebuild those reserves of energy we need to carry on. Silence, its very name can bring peace and calm. We must learn to recognize it and enjoy its gifts when offered. I cherish my silent times.